The newborn phase doesn’t have to be a drag. Follow these steps to slow down and enjoy the early days with your little blessing.
When I was pregnant with our first baby, the phrase I heard most wasn’t “Congratulations,” “You’re glowing!” or even “Babies are the best.“
No, the advice I was given was, “Rest while you can.” It was offered with an ominous tone and dark, cloudy eyes that seemed to know something I didn’t.
“Rest while you can… because tonight you will be haunted by three ghosts of Christmas past.”
“Rest while you can… or you will never sleep again and cease to exist.”
“Rest while you can… blah blah blah.”
Nobody actually said that, but I could read between the lines. They thought I was going to suffer through the newborn stage just like they did.
But I didn’t. I knew exactly what was coming my way, and I was prepared for it.
Here’s the thing: everybody knows newborns don’t sleep through the night.
It isn’t that they don’t want to sleep. They biologically can’t.
A newborn baby’s belly is the size of a pea. A pea! It can only hold a teaspoon of milk at a time and it digests milk at warp speed.
That warp speed-digested milk has to go somewhere and you guessed it-they will need a new diaper pronto.
So, when someone tells you to “rest while you can,” it’s not because they know something you don’t know. It’s because they survived their newborn stage, but they didn’t thrive.
They were unprepared for their postpartum season and they think you are too.
I didn’t spend two years struggling to conceive only to survive my baby girl’s first days of life. I was determined to (gasp!) enjoy them.
And I did. Not because my baby was easier than others, but because I was prepared.
I wouldn’t trade those newborn days for anything in the world. This is why I’ve designed my Guide to Postpartum Thriving– so you can join me in loving the newborn phase.
This self-paced course will take you from surviving to thriving with eight topical videos, discussion questions for you and your husband, a shopping list, and a five-day meal plan to help you slow down and enjoy the newborn days as a family. Below, I’d like to give you a taste of what you can expect in the course and give you a jump on planning a calm and enjoyable postpartum season.
1. Manage Your Expectations
We’ve already covered why newborns don’t sleep through the night. But we all have that relative who swears her babies slept twelve hours after week one. And she’ll raise an eyebrow at anyone who says otherwise.
Maybe Aunt So-and-So’s baby did sleep through the night from the get-go, but that’s probably not going to happen for the rest of us.
Managing your expectations before baby arrives may not seem helpful, but it is. Because mindset is ninety percent of the battle.
Getting three hours of sleep when you were expecting eight is devastating. But getting three hours of sleep when you only expected two is a relief. See what I did there? It’s all about a proper mindset.
Here are a few more things to prepare your mind for before bringing baby home:
1. Babies don’t like to be put down. Studies show that newborn babies don’t realize they’re separate beings from their mothers. After being swaddled in a cocoon of love and amniotic fluid for nine months, they won’t thank you for setting them down while you run to the bathroom. To keep your arms free, invest in a swing or wrap.
2. Babies eat often. Remember when I said newborn bellies are the size of a pea? That little pea-sized stomach requires a lot of refills. Undoubtedly, a well-meaning nurse or relative will tell you to only feed your baby every three hours, even if they’re crying at the top of their lungs. Anything more than that will “spoil” them.
If comments like that make your skin crawl, you’re on the right track. Putting off feeds for fear of spoiling or ruining your baby is a first-class ticket to anxiety station. Not only does feeding on demand reassure baby they are safe and their needs will continue to be met as they were in the womb, but it’ll also help your milk come in (if you are nursing).
3. 4 in 5 mothers experience baby blues. I go over coping with baby blues in depth in the Guide to Postpartum Thriving because it’s the one thing I wasn’t prepared for. In case that’s you too, here’s a quick overview: Baby blues is not the same as postpartum depression. It typically lasts about two weeks after giving birth and then (mercifully) relents.
Imagine feeling all of your feelings at one time. All the sadness, nostalgia, happiness, and fear you’ve ever felt in your life. All at the same time. That’s baby blues. It’s overwhelming. It’s a little scary. But I promise it passes.
2. Minimize Visitors
I know I just lost a few readers, but hear me out.
The newborn days are for you to bond with your baby.
It’s for you and your husband to figure out how the heck to care for this little bundle of squishiness.
It’s for you to establish a healthy breastfeeding relationship.
It’s for you to heal.
It’s not for Aunt So-and-So and every childhood friend you’ve ever had to invade your home and “get a hold.”
Hosting guests is stressful. Even though you just had a baby and are spending every minute caring for said baby, you’ll stress about how messy your house is. You’ll stress over how messy you are. That’s not the kind of stress you need in your life.
You may also find it difficult to share your baby with others. This might sound high-strung, but consider this: your baby has been inside of you for nine whole months. They were connected to you in every way imaginable. That bond doesn’t sever with the umbilical cord.
When my daughter was born, I didn’t mind my mom or husband holding her for a few minutes and handing her back. But then a couple other family members stopped by. And they held her for two hours.
After about thirty minutes, my heart started to hurt. My skin crawled. It was hard to breathe.
I needed my baby back. And they would have given her to me, but I couldn’t find my voice. I was paralyzed.
Thankfully, my husband saw the look on my face, put her in my arms and everything was ok.
This didn’t last forever. After a few weeks, I was able to let go for longer periods. But at first, I needed my baby and she needed me.
Now, this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have any visitors. If you’re comfortable with the Macy’s Day Parade of visitors, go for it. If you want no one in your home for a week, month, or six months, that’s fine too. My advice is to communicate.
Communicate with your husband.
Communicate with your families.
Set boundaries and stick to them.
3. Limit Screen Time
There is a laundry list of reasons to limit our screen time including the harmful effects of blue light and the way it dulls our minds. What I’m more concerned about is how it wastes time.
Have you ever hopped on Instagram for a quick five-minute scroll that turned into two hours? Yeah, me too.
The internet is a bottomless trench waiting to suck us under, turn our brains to mush, and waste precious time.
The truth about the newborn days is you will never get them back.
Your baby will never be this small again. They’ll never have precious baby breath (swoon) again. They’ll never fit in the crook of your neck again.
If you’re reading this within the two-week window of baby blues, you probably just burst into tears and I’m so sorry! But it’s the truth. These moments are fleeting and I don’t want you to waste them scrolling your phone.
You don’t have to throw away your phone or ditch screen time altogether. But, like I said about visitors, this time is yours to guard and only you know how best to do so.
4. Nourish Yourself
Depending on which side of birth you find yourself on, nourishing yourself could sound like a no-brainer. Before giving birth, you have the best intentions of eating nourishing meals. Maybe you stockpiled your freezer with pre-made meals or set up a meal train. Maybe you have a thrifted basked by your bedside with your favorite, whole-food snacks.
But if you’re on the other side of delivery, you know that sometimes Mama is the last to eat. And you’re probably going to do so with one hand.
You might even be too tired to eat. Sometimes, our bodies can only focus on one feeling at a time and exhaustion wins over hunger.
Mama, you still have to eat.
You just performed the monumental task of growing and birthing another human being. While beautiful, this is a taxing experience. You cannot thrive in a nutritionally depleted body without experiencing:
- Jitters
- Anxiety
- Fatigue
- Sluggishness
- Poor sleep
- Delayed healing
- Impaired breast milk production
Thriving in your postpartum season hinges on how you feed your body. I include a five-day nutrient-dense meal plan in the Guide to Postpartum Thriving to help minimize decision fatigue for postpartum mamas. Nourishing yourself is that important.
But it’s not complicated. All your body needs is real food and plenty of it. Stock your refrigerator and pantry with all your favorite whole foods and commit to eating them.
Make sure you have a few easy-grab snacks that you can eat with one hand (which will be often). Some of my favorite one-handed snacks are bone broth, cottage cheese, and RX or Lara Bars, but grab whatever sounds best for you.
You Can Thrive Postpartum
You don’t have to trudge through the newborn days with a parade of visitors and a growling stomach. No matter what aunt so-and-so says, the postpartum season is for you to heal (remember, another human being just vacated your body in a very dramatic way) and for you and your husband to bond with baby.
That’s it. Everything else is negotiable.
I created the Postpartum Guide to Thriving for moms like you who want to slow down and savor the newborn days. You and your baby deserve to heal and bond in a calm and loving environment. Doing so will set you up for a healthy relationship that will last a lifetime.
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Jordan Thompson 